Maybe I rarely say I love you, but I really am love you, so much.

Maybe I keep complaining a lot, but that is just my way to communicate with you.

Maybe I’m not a perfect wife for you, but you’re the perfect husband for me.

I am fire that burns easily, you are water that always keep me calm.

Whenever I’m angry, you often cracks me up with your silliness.

It is always comforting to know that I can always rely on you.

You may not give me flowers, and often forgets some important dates, but you shower me with your love.

Alhamdulillah, my soulmate is you. I pray that we can also be soulmate in Jannah.

Happy 4th Wedding Anniversary Ayah/Hikun/Pupun/Agung

Love always,


Weaning with LOVE

I always wonder the meaning of “love” in a phrase “weaning with love”. It said that you weaned your child gradually and with affection.

First time I tried to wean my son when he was 2 years old. I follow everything about weaning with love. But it failed. I saw that the process of weaning made my son heartbroken. He cried so much. It also affected his character. He used to be all cheery and happy, but he became cranky and irritable. He changed so much. It went on for more than 2 weeks. Maybe he’s not ready. So I breastfeed him again. For 1 year later I keep trying to weaned my son, but it always failed. Either it made his character changed, or his speech development regressed.

When my son was 3 years old, I try to weaned him again. This time, I really emphasize that I do this not because I don’t love him. He seemed to understand better than he was 2 years old. Every single day me and my husband keep telling my son that we love him sooo much, followed by numerous kisses and hugs. In just 3 months, my son made it. He’s finally weaned.

It finally hit me that weaning is really all about LOVE. When we breastfeeding our child, we keep them really close to us, so they can feel our warmth and comfort. Our child must have felt really loved. When they are weaned, maybe they feel like our love was taken, that we don’t love them anymore. Constant reminder that we love them so much will make the weaning process more bearable for our children. Because of course we will always love them, and they need to know that they will always be loved.

Kill Me, Heal Me


It is a title of Korean drama.

I am mesmerized by this drama. Amazing story, wonderful characters, perfect chemistry, beautiful scene and terrific song. Am I exaggerating? Maybe a bit. But I can guarantee that you won’t regret watching this drama. Btw this post is full of spoilers, so don’t read this if you haven’t watched the series.

The Plot

This drama is about Cha Do Hyun, a chaebol who struggles beause he has multiple personality disorder. He has not only two or three, but SEVEN personalities! Our heroine is Oh Ri Jin. She is a first year psychiatric resident, who happens to be former Cha Do Hyun’s psychiatrist’s student. She has a twin brother, his name is Oh Ri On. He is actually a best-seller novelist, but he keeps it a secret.

The Characters

Cha Do Hyun. He is the real person. He is kind, soft, caring, responsible, basically a boy scout. At the beginning, he is portrayed as someone who is “weak” and inferior. Everytime he feels overwhelmed (by fear, anger, guilt, pain, etc) another personalities will come out. His conditions is caused by painful memories in his childhood. In his memories, he was abused by his father in the basement. But as Do Hyun opens up to Ri Jin, he begins to bravely face those unpleasant feelings and memories.

Slowly, Do Hyun begins to acts fierce but still very firm. He also starting to show his anger a little, instead of always holding it in. When he finally fell for Ri Jin, he doesn’t waver whenever Cha Yeon (his ex) try to win him back. He holds onto Ri Jin. Way to go Do Hyun!


Oh Ri Jin. She is a very sympathic doctor. She always made friends with her patients. She is cheerful and very optimist. She also has great martial arts skill thanks to her twin brother.

A series of coincidense made her Cha Do Hyun’s secret psychiatrist. Why secret? Because Do Hyun is a VVIP in Seungjin group, he will inherit the group someday. Someone like Do Hyun can’t have a mental disease, because it will destroy his chance of being inheritor. Since Do Hyun find out that he has multiple personality disorder, he keep himself shut. He doesn’t have friends nor lover. But Ri Jin change that.

With her natural charms, Ri Jin quickly made friends with Do Hyun, and eventually falling in love. At first, it was one sided-love. But as they became closer, Do Hyun begin to feel the same way. Ri Jin is the first person who can be friends with all of Do Hyun’s personalities. No matter what happens to her (ie Perry’s bomb incident, accident in construction site to help Yo Sub, etc), she always stays beside Do Hyun.


Oh Ri On. He is a best seller mystery novelist. His (nama pena) is Omega. Just like her sister, he is cheerful and optimist, but a bit narcististic. He also likes to flirt. Whenever he goes out with girls, he said that his name is Oh Hwi. Lol. As a child, he often fought with Ri Jin, and along the way Ri Jin learned martial arts. It’s cute that they like to call each other “Brother” and “Sister”.

The 7 Personalities of Cha Do Hyun


Perry Park. He is 40ish flamboyant ahjussi who likes to wear flowery shirt. He loves alcohol, dancing, and he would love to have a boat with his name on it someday. His hobby is making bombs. Yes, bombs, even though sometimes malfunctioned. His first encounter with Ri Jin is at a warehouse, carrying bombs to save Ri Jin from gangster. How did Ri Jin being kidnapped? It’s Se Gi’s fault. Even though Perry doesn’t know Ri Jin before, he is willing to save her. Perry appears from Do Hyun’s best memories about his father. His father promised to 6 yo Do Hyun that someday he will buy a ship for Do Hyun. They will named their ship “Perry Park”. 

The next encounter with Ri Jin, Perry is in the middle of making bombs (a pretty huge one). Ri Jin is horrified and asked him to dance instead. Even though Ri Jin’s dancing is awful according to Perry, they are both dancing for 3 hours. Perry is the first personalities to disappear. He decided that he needs to be a good example for other personalities, because he is the oldest. He got fishing rod from Ri Jin as farewell gift. At Do Hyun mind, Perry leaves and opens the door which lead him to a harbor. Then he see a beautiful yacht that named “Perry Park”. He gives a salute then leaves.


Ahn Yo Sub. He is the suicidal one. He is a 17 yo boy, a student who is calm and genius but depressive with suicidal tendency. Yo Sub first appeared when Do Hyun is 17 yo student in missionary school. Do Hyun tried to kill himself but failed. Yo Sub/Joseph is his baptist name.

Yo Sub’s first encounter with Ri Jin is at a rooftop, where he draws all six personalities and a note that said “kill me” as his dying message. He almost killed himself by jumping from rooftop, but Ri Jin manage to change his mind. She told him repeatedly and wholeheartedly to hang in there, stay alive, because life not always bad, happy days waiting for him if he stays alive.

At the next encounter, he is a bit grumpy but eventually thanked her. He also calmly said that for the time being he will not suicide.

At their last encounter, Yo Sub saying his goodbye ahead, because lately Do Hyun didn’t feel that depressed anymore, so Yo Sub can disappear anytime. Ri Jin asked him, since he won’t suicide anymore, what would he like to do? He told her that he’d really like to writes a book of poems. He thanked Ri Jin again, for giving him hope and dreams, then he kiss her cheek. He is so sweet.


Ahn Yo Na. SHE (yes, she) is a 17 yo girl who really likes good looking idols. She is Yo Sub’s twin sister. She appeared from Do Hyun’s strong will to live after failed suicide. Whenever Yo Na sees good looking idols, she will run at them. Her first encounter with Ri Jin was when Yo Na’s finally met her favourite idols, but Ri Jin intterupted. They are enemy since that incident.

One unlucky day, when Do Hyun suddenly changed to Yo Na while meeting with Ri On. Apparently Ri On is Yo Na’s type. Therefore, is the beginning of Ri On’s hell. Whenever Ri On is in sight, Yo Na calls “OPPAAAAAA!” then jumps at him. Lol.


Yo Na’s farewell also made me cry. I didn’t expect to cry because Yo Na’s scene always funny. At that day, she is wearing Ri Jin’s gift (pink polkadot bandana). She thanked Ri Jin for treating her like enemy/friend/sister, basically for treating her as a person. And for fulfilling her last wish (-red taking selfies with her oppa and kiss him). Poor Ri On. The way that Yo Na saying her goodbyes while acts like she don’t care, but she actually cares for Ri Jin and hoping the best for her made me cry.

In Do Hyun’s mind, Yo Sub calls Yo Na. Yo Sub told her that they better leave soon. He said not to worry because Ri Jin Noona is beside Do Hyun, everything will be okay. Yo Na leaves first. Yo Sub recites a poem, then he also leaves.

At this moment, I don’t think I can handle another farewell. Wait, how many personalities still left? *devastated*

Nana is a 7 yo girl who likes to bring her HUGE teddy bear everywhere she goes. She appears after Do Hyun met Ri Jin. Mr.X is Nana’s father. He appears after Perry Park leaves. I’m gonna tell you more about these two at the twist part.

Last but not least, Shin Se Gi. He is the violent one. He is also arrogant, rude, playboy, and everything that is bad. He is the most stylish though with all that leather jacket and guyliner (ha!) Everytime he appears, a tattoo also appearing in Do Hyun’s neck. Se Gi usually comes out whenever Do Hyun in great pains. After Se Gi turns, Do Hyun usually ends up badly (ie in the middle of being tortured by gangster) with injuries. None of the injuries is deadly, just minor injuries in here and there because Se Gi is very good at fighting. The one with most damages is whoever he is fighting with. Se Gi is the first personality to appear and the last to disappear. Se Gi appeared at the fire in Do Hyun’s house when he was 7 years old.

From all the “fake” personalities, I like Se Gi the most. He is badass but he has a soft heart (whenever Ri Jin besides him) and a bit childish. It’s so funny when he give toys as presents for Ri Jin. He is so clueless when Ri Jin doesn’t seem to like his gifts.


I am captivated by Se Gi since he said to Ri Jin “remember this time, 7th January 2015 at 10 pm on the dot, the time I fell for you” with intense look at their first meeting as adults. The best pick-up line ever, or so I thought. But I was wrong, it truly is his sincere feeling for Ri Jin. Ri Jin is his first love, and he still loves her until now. He also glad that Ri Jin is alive. He thought Ri Jin died in the fire when they’re 7 years old. It turns out that Se Gi was the one who started the fire to save Ri Jin. As Ri Jin said, Se Gi is the most wounded one. He holds all of Do Hyun’s painful memories.

When Se Gi is saying his goodbye, I cried so much. Ri Jin prepared gifts for all other personalities, but she can’t think of gift for Se Gi. He said that Ri Jin can’t give him the gift that he wants, because he only wants her. In the end, she kissed him, which Se Gi said that kiss is a good choice of gift, nothing beats that. Meanwhile in Do Hyun’s mind, Se Gi and Do Hyun are having a conversation. In the end, Do Hyun said to Se Gi “you are me”, which Se Gi replied “I am you”. Then Se Gi disappears. When Do Hyun “comes back”, Ri Jin is still crying, then smiling, and so is he. He wiped her tears and kissed her (again). This moment is so sad but beautiful at the same time.


Best Moment

When Do Hyun ask Ri Jin why she decides to help him instead of studying in one of the best hospitals in America. Is it because she can meet Se Gi through him or else? She told him that it’s because Yo Sub wrote “kill me” which Ri Jin interpret as a cry for help. And also because of Do Hyun. She thinks that Do Hyun is not weak, because he can manage to stay being good and responsible despite all problems that the personalities caused. She will try to make those personalities “dissolve” inside him, so that he will become greater than ever person. A cooler Cha Do Hyun she said. Do Hyun feels very touched by Ri Jin’s answer, he kissed her.

This is one of turning points moments that I love. This is the moment when Do Hyun really fell for Ri Jin. Do Hyun feels overwhelmed (by love) because there’s someone who can truly accept him. I gotta say I ship Ji Sung and Hwang Jung Eum in this drama. Their chemistry and acting just superb. It feels so real and good. 

The Twist

The first twist revealed in the middle of the series (around ep 12-13). Do Hyun remembers that he was abused in his childhood. It turns out that it wasn’t him that being abused, it was Ri Jin. After her mother died, Ri Jin being locked in the basement and often being hit by Do Hyun’s father. Why did Do Hyun’s father hit Ri Jin? It’s because Ri Jin is so similar with her mother. Ri Jin’s mother is his ex-wife, but Ri Jin is a child from another man. Do Hyun made a promise that he will come to the basement and play with Ri Jin every day at 10 pm. He often tried to protect Ri Jin from being hit by his father, but what can a 7 yo old child do against an adult.

One year later, at the day of the fire, Do Hyun’s father hit Ri Jin because Do Hyun caught in the basement playing with Ri Jin. Feeling a great pain because he can’t protect her, Do Hyun collapsed and Se Gi appeared for the first time. Se Gi lit the fire, and it quickly spread. Do Hyun’s father saved him, but Ri Jin was still inside the basement. Do Hyun begged his father to save Ri Jin. So Do Hyun’s father came back to the basement. But by the time he arrived, Ri Jin already gone. He collapsed and coma for 20 years.

The second twist revealed near the end of the series (around ep 17-18). It turns out that Cha Do Hyun was actually Oh Ri Jin’s name. Meanwhile, Cha Do Hyun’s real name was Cha Joon Young. Confused? So was I. I’ll try to make it simple. From this moment, Ri Jin is the girl, Do Hyun is the boy.

So, at the beginning, after Min Seo Yeon (the girl’s mother) and Joon Pyo (the boy’s father) divorced, the chairman of Seungjin looked for the Seo Yeon. He asked her to come back to Seungjin to save the company, because she is the most capable person to do that. It turned out that the divorce isn’t completed, so she is still a part of Seungjin. He also offered to include the girl in the family register to secure the girl’s future. But Seo Yeon hesitated because the girl is not Joon Pyo’s child. The chairman told her that Joon Pyo already left the Seungjin family. She finally agreed.

Joon Pyo lives happily with the boy somewhere in Korea, but his wife doesn’t feel that way. She constantly pushing Joon Pyo to come back to his family, so the boy’s future is secured. When Joon Pyo finally comes back, he hate the fact that his father aka the chairman decided to take in Seo Yeon even though they already divorced, or so he thought. Joon Pyo asked the chairman to take out the girl’s name from family register and put the boy’s name instead. But the chairman refused. So the girl’s future is secured, but the boy isn’t. That’s why Joon Pyo hates the girl even more. After Seo Yeon died, Joon Pyo often hit the girl.

The boy thought that the girl died at the fire. Because of great shock after the fire, the boy lost his memories about the girl. He only responded when he is called Cha Do Hyun (the girl’s name). This situation is used by Joon Pyo’s second wife to secure the boy’s future. Cha Do Hyun was already in the family register, but Cha Joon Young (the boy’s real name) wasn’t. The chairman’s wife aka grandmother couldn’t do anything besides tag along with the plan. All of the previous house staff were fired. And so, the girl’s existence “gone”.

Meanwhile, the girl is still alive. She was saved by one of the catering staff at Seungjin residence. The girl adopted and raised as Ri Jin.

Nana, one of Do Hyun’s personalities is actually represents Ri Jin when she was a 7 yo child. So, she is not a new personality that appears after Do Hyun meets Ri Jin as adults. Nana was there all along, “sleeping” inside Do Hyun. And btw, Nana is that HUGE bear’s name. Nana’s real name is Cha Do Hyun.

Mr.X. He is the last personality to appear and apparently the most powerful (according to Dr.Seok Ho Pil). Thankfully he is not a personality that guard other personalities so they can’t leave. Mr.X kind of help and guide the other personalities to leave. He also gives advice to Do Hyun.

After Twist

After the first twist, Do Hyun breaks up with Ri Jin. He feels horrible. He can’t forgive himself that couldn’t anything for Ri Jin in the past.

After they broke up, there goes the second twist. Talk about worst timing ever. *sigh* Both Do Hyun and Ri Jin learned the fact that “Cha Do Hyun” was actually Ri Jin’s name. It crushed Do Hyun and ripped his heart apart (again). Ri Jin’s condition is not that well either. She feels terrified, sad and can’t do anything. The one that lift her up is Ri On. As we know that Ri Jin is adopted, Ri On actually fall in love with her. But in the end he decided not to tell her about his feelings and be the greatest brother for her. Ri Jin recovers pretty quickly, maybe because she has a lot of good memories in her childhood (except at Seungjin) and great support system, her family.


In contrary, Do Hyun’s condition worsened. Ri Jin helps him by saying that Do Hyun was her hero. Do Hyun was often beside her, so she didn’t feel lonely or scared. Yes, Joon Pyo was awful, but Do Hyun always tried to defend her. That’s why Do Hyun is Ri Jin’s hero. Thus, she gives him the name (Cha Do Hyun) as a gift. She said that Do Hyun must continue using that name with proud because he deserved it. That really lifts the thick cloud in Do Hyun’s heart. Another wonderful moments that showed us that they both so perfect for each other.


Happy Ever After

After multiple tear-jerker farewell to all of Do Hyun’s personalities, Do Hyun finally free and completed. He works part-time at Ri Jin’s family’s restaurant and “advisor” at Seungjin group. So he lives a very quiet life compared to his life as vice-president. Ri Jin is back to the hospital and continues her education. At the last scene, Do Hyun gives her a couple ring. They look incredibly happy together.


At last..

Ji Sung’s acting is supeerbbb. I always feel different people playing different personalities. Yes, makeup and wardrobe do help, but Ji Sung’s acting that made all the personalities so real. I always cried so much everytime all personalities said their goodbyes. It feels like they die. But they didn’t, they live inside Do Hyun as one. Hwang Jung Eum is sooo prettyy and her acting skill match Ji Sung. I always loves whenever they got together on screen. They are wonderful as a couple. Their gaze, smile and body language are just perfect. I wish they are a real couple, but both already married to another person. Oh well..

imageConsidering topics that this drama brings, which is child abuse and mental disorder, it’s not easy to deliver an entertaining show. But the entire crew did succeed. This drama is good in every way possible. I would love to watch it again. Not now though, because Ramadhan is coming. Gotta prepare myself for holy month.